Tuesday, December 16, 2014

5 things you can do this Christmas heal relationships in your family

 My wife just gave me best Christmas present - National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation pajamas. I love them because when I was a kid, the Griswald's were a staple in my home. This was largely because of the way they nailed the portrayal of typical family dysfunction. 

Photo courtesy of Edsel Little at flickr.com
The best character in the movie is every family's worst nightmare - Cousin Eddie. He's the absolute personification of American white trash. One of the best scenes in the movie is Eddie standing in the street wearing a bath robe with a cigar and a beer, while he empties his motor home's toilet into the street.

Not everyone has a Cousin Eddie in their family. God save you if you do. But the Holidays are widely known as the time of year that we have to get together with the people in our families with whom we have tension. And that begs the question how do we heal relationships with years of tension and bitterness?

Sunday, December 14, 2014

What do honorable husbands do about all the hot girls at the gym?

I keep meeting more and more men who really want to honor their girl friends and wives by not looking around at other women. But that can be challenging when the vast majority of girls go out of their way to dress to impress.

Photo courtesy of Jeanette Goodrich at Flickr.com
As I talk with and mentor some of these guys, the question that keeps coming up is How do I honor my girl when I'm at the gym? For guys, keeping their eyes pointed in the right direction isn't terribly difficult in most social situations. But keeping your eyes from coming across hot, spandex covered girls at the gym is like trying not to get shot on D-day at Normandy Beach (though the guys on Normandy actually stood a better chance than you). 

So what does an honorable man do? 

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Fighting the nemesis of success

There are no less than 15 great reasons why I should NOT be writing this post right now. But none of them will help me become a writer that regularly and reliably helps people discover more potential in their lives.
Photo courtesy of Joe Newman at Flickr.com
And tonight, after getting home late from a wedding rehearsal, I feel exhausted. My body is tired, my mind is wiped, and there's nothing I'd like to do more than make a good excuse for not writing anything and to go play video games instead. But that won't do and here's why.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

We should be calling pastors out on these deadly sins

I probably don't need to tell you that pastors aren't perfect. Like anyone else, they're fundamentally flawed. Of course, they faith that Jesus loves them and has forgiven them. And hopefully God uses their faith as an example for hurting people in their community each week. But what about the pastors who are regularly committing the sins that they're warning everyone else to avoid?

Photo courtesy of Joseph Rose at Flickr.com

If a pastor is on the right track, he's following God's plan for his life. And, while he isn't perfect, he looks for opportunities to reject selfishness and become more like Jesus. But if he's on the wrong track, even in the little things, he has given selfishness a foothold which can shipwreck his faith (1 Tim. 1:19).

Thursday, December 4, 2014

How to help the addict in your life & the one thing needed to make change possible

All addicts ask themselves one question over and over again - How do I quit? It feels like it should be simple. If something is bad for you, just stop doing it. But addiction doesn't work like that. And many addicts will try anything and everything to quit, only to find themselves defeated and using again. And that's because being an addict is no different than having a chronic disease. It is a sickness that affects your decisions, and you can never completely get rid of it.

Photo courtesy of Juanjo Gutlerrez at Flickr.com

So then why are some addicts able to kick their addictions and maintain sobriety? What's different for them? Why do they get to live lives of freedom while so many others are living and dying with their addictions? The reason is simple. They have the one thing that is needed to kick any addiction. They have pain, and plenty of it. Let me explain.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

How being strong for your girl puts your relationship in danger

When times get tough and tensions run high, it's the guys who are strong for their girls who end up alone. It seems counterintuitive doesn't it? We're supposed to be the strong ones aren't we? We are typically little bigger than they are, can frequently lift heavier things, and are often more logical (or at least we think we're more logical). It's build into our DNA to be the strong one in a relationship. So how can it possibly be a bad thing to be emotionally strong when our girlfriends or our wives are feeling weak?

Photo courtesy of Pedro Riberio Simoes at Flickr.com
The truth is, it's not a bad thing 100% of the time. For instance, when someone important to your girlfriend dies, it can be a really good thing for you to be strong for her. And when your kid is in the hospital, it can be essential for you to be strong for your wife. It's during the day to day trials that trying to be the strong one will become a burden to your relationship. Let me explain.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

How to get your wife to have more sex with you

Guys typically get stereotyped as animals who think about sex almost all the time, which is fine since that's not entirely inaccurate for many of us. The truth is, sex is a high priority for a lot of men, which doesn't make us bad. However, we tend to get a bad wrap because of the methods we employ in seeking it out.

Photo courtesy of Anne Marthe Widvey at Flickr.com (CC)
You should probably get that checked out.
Some guys are aggressive, trying to convince their wives that it's their job to 'put out' for their husbands. Some others threaten their women by saying things like, "It's an instinct. If I don't get it fulfilled here I'm afraid I'll go looking for it somewhere else".

Then there are the passive guys. They're the ones who have tricked even themselves into believing that they're being loving when they say things like, "If you really loved me, you'd want to make me happy". And there are even those of us who are passive aggressive enough that we become emotionally withholding when women won't give us what we want.

And as you're likely aware, none of the above methods are very romantic. They rarely lead to sex, and when they do, it's never good. The truth is, these attitudes are born out of a desire for more sex. And as we already said, wanting more of it isn't bad. But if the pursuit of more sex leads us to any of the above behaviors or attitudes, then we're in trouble. And what we need to realize is that infrequent sex isn't the problem. It's only a symptom of the problem.